


Naked Celery, space pop band

by Kaiko_Mikkusu



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Pop Band, Asexual Character, Asexual Doctor, Asexual Fifth Doctor, Gen, Music Band, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Fifth Doctor, Other, pop band
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 18:45:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5713108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiko_Mikkusu/pseuds/Kaiko_Mikkusu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic used to be on FFnet but now it's also here. It basically involves Fivey, Tegan, Nyssa, and Adric becoming a world-famous pop band.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Naked Celery, space pop band

The Fifth Doctor, Tegan, Nyssa, and Adric were in the TARDIS console room, which was tumbling around in a roundabout manner in the Time Vortex. The quartet fell down in strike, apparently. There was a black out, and then the Fifth Doctor woke up his eyes and got up, looking around. “hmm…” He realized that he was in a modern city on Earth, and specifically in a ground with performance stages and stage actrectatures on them. He also realized his companions were slowly waking and getting up. First Adric did so, then Nyssa, and finally Tegan. Then all four of them looked at the TARDIS, which now was’nt disguised as a police box anymore. In fact, it was’nt disguised at all… it just regressed back to a piece of coral firmly planted on the ground, that would take at least a decade to grow back into its usual form. Adric leered at it snarkly, Tegan put her hands to the hips and wondered how much it would take to get to Heathrow, Nyssa shy-ed up and put her hands to her mouth, and the Doctor dadly cried at the coral, a manly tear of pride going out from his right eye. He then said: “Welp, we’ll have to get back on our own.”

And out of a sudden, a manager appeared. He was about 1.70 centimeters tall, a bit chubby, wearing a cream-and-white suit and top hat, slightly tanned skin, silver hair and big moustache, and eyes the same shade of blue as Doctor’s eyes were back when he was still in his fourth incarnation or perhaps one shade lighter. (Yes he looked like Doug Dimmadome.)

The manager lighted a cigar, and then tossed it in the air where it exploded in a puff of orange and yellow sparkles forming the name “Cash Moneycash” in big block letters. Then he tipped his hat off and then said: “That’s me! Cash Moneycash! Owner of the Moneycash Performance Park! And of the Moneycash… everything else, really!” – “And from your appearances, I must bet y’all are the new band of the moment!”

The Foursome were’nt really suppose to be a band (they were going to defeat a Dalek invasion in 3080 in a peaceful town named Cambridgeshirequartertonlandvillegrandfirgogochleigh II, but the TARDIS seemed to have missed off not only by some kilometers but also by a few centuries) but Arceus knows what would’ve happened if they said no! So the Doctor then went: “Yeah, we totally ARE a band. We’re the newly formed pop group… Naked Celery! Yeah.” Adric Nyssa and Tegan looked at each other and at the Doctor perplexed, and then the Doctor told them, lowering his voice: “Well it was the first thing that came to mind!” Then the four of them followed Cash to the biggest performance stage in the park.

The Doctor, Adric, Nyssa, and Tegan were all on the performance stage. The Doctor wore a guitar and put himself to the microphone. Nyssa went to the other microphone but wore a bass instead. Adric was the batterist and Tegan was the tastierist. The stage’s lights lighted up above the foursome, as the sun was setting down and people were arriving. All four of them started to play music and then when the chairs were full, the Doctor and Nyssa started singing.

We sing you a new song  
By pop group Naked Celery  
Doctor: “We’re the Naked Celery!”  
Nyssa: “Pop band of the moment!”  
Doctor: “It’s time to sing you a new song! A song that will shoot up in space!”  
Nyssa & Doctor: “Sing a new song! Sing a new song! Let’s sing along!”  
Nyssa & Doctor & Tegan & Adric: “Let’s sing along! Sing along! Sing the new song! Let’s sing the new song!”  
Doctor: “Once upon a time there lived”  
Nyssa: “A race of extraordinary men”  
Doctor: “Living on a distant planet”  
Nyssa: “But then the planet was burnt!”  
Nyssa & Doctor: “Burnt! Burnt! Burnt! Oh yeah!”  
Doctor: “And five of those extraordinary men…”  
Nyssa: “Named Werin, Aslon, Damen, Enica and Vipp”  
Doctor: “Travelled their world in search of evil”  
Nyssa: “And when they realized their home was gonna blow up”  
Doctor: “They went on a rocket in search of hope”  
Nyssa & Doctor: “And look at what they found? Look at what they found!”  
Doctor: “They found a lone lion in a lone forest in their lone hearts!”  
Nyssa: “Just a ray of sunshine in the darkness within their minds!”  
Nyssa & Doctor & Tegan & Adric: “And this is our New Song! And this is our New Song! Yeah! This is the New Song!”  
Doctor: “Thank you all for coming!”  
Nyssa: “You’re all cuties! Hi! Bye!”

 

Everyone listening to the foursome clapped, some laughed, and some talked about each other. One or two people were already sketching the five alien men talked about in the song, not knowing that three out of four band members were aliens themselves.

Cash Moneycash walked in, clapping his hands. “Bravo!” he winked and shook his fingers. “You were really good at that. But I haven’t got your names yet!”  
The Doctor gulped his salivae down and then said: “Well, my name is John Smith. John Smith the V for the precision. But everyone calls me Doctor.”  
Tegan then went: “My name is Tegan Jovanka.” – “No middle names or anything, but at times people do mistake my surname for a middle name.”  
Adric then spoke: “And I’m Adric Alzarius.”  
Nyssa then said: “The name is Nyssa Traken.”

Cash then gulped his saliva down, coffed a bit into his hand, and then said: “Okay, now I think I’ve got all your names!” And then he wrote down the names on the billboard.

NAKED CELERY  
The NEW pop band of the CENTURY

“Doctor” Smith V ……………………………….. singer, guitarist  
Nyssa Traken ……………………………………… singer, bassist  
Tegan Jovanka …………………………… tastierist, backup singer  
Adric Alzarius …………………………. batterist, backup singer

 

The Doctor then said: “Yeah, that’s right.” Cash then asked the four of them: “You could sleep in my hotel for a while. Well until I can get y’all a personal villa.” All four of them agreed. And they took a white limo to the hotel.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Doctor, Tegan, Nyssa, Adric, and Cash were in the latter’s limousine, which was ridden by an austere man in a black tuxedo and sunglasses. Cash introduced the limousine’s driver to the Naked Celery’s as Eustace Limozeen, and then the foursome introduced themselves to Eustace, who then booted up the limousine and so they went out of the performance park.

Our heroes passed by various skyscrapers, palaces, and suburbs of various sizes, before settling down in front of a big, creamish-yellow palace with red accents, and with a sign stating that it was known as “Moneycash Hotel”. The foursome and Cash got down the limousine, and entered the hotel. Cash said to the hotel secretary: “These are Mx. Smith, Mr. Alzarius, Ms. Jovanka, and Ms. Traken. They’re the members of the new band, Naked Celery.” The secretary then arched her brows and said: “Welp. Never heard of ‘em.” Cash then said: “Well they’ve only started to perform a few hours ago. The name I designed and wrote on Mr. Alzarius’ battery was mONEYfISH but the band had a more fitting name for themselves and are soon getting custom equipment.” The secretary then said: “Welp. I might book that band suite then, just for those four.”   
Out of a sudden, a nice lady in her twenties in a green flower-patterned dress and braided hair entered the hotel. It was the secretary’s BFF so they hugged as they saw each other. The green-clad girl then introduced herself as Alina Flora and also introduced her own BFF and secretary under the name of Demetra Cretear.  
The foursome then recognized Alina as a girl that was seeing them at the concert. Alina then showed the foursome a plastic bag, and opened it to reveal the TARDIS coral, now in a flowerpot!   
Alina said: “After everyone else was gone from the performance park, I used my gardening tools to pick up this strange coral and got it in a flowerpot.” The foursome looked at each other, and then the Doctor put their hand on Demetra’s desk, and said: “Please, put that coral in our room. It, uh, it means much to me.” Demetra said: “Okay we will.” 

The foursome, Demetra, Alina, and the potted TARDIS coral went to the elevator and to a room called “Room MF5”. Demetra opened the door to said room, revealing a big suite.  
The floor, walls, and ceiling of the room were beige. At the center there was a platform with instruments a lot like those that were on the performance park earlier that day. There were two bunk beds. One bunk bed was purple, with the bed in the top bunk having sheets with an 80’s psychedelic motif, and the bed in the bottom bunk had blue velvet sheets with a renaissance wallpaper-ish motif. The other bunk bed was yellow, with the bottom bunk having beige, celery-patterned sheets, and the top bunk having lime-green sheets with blue, red, and yellow stars on it. Demetra asked: “What bed are you sleeping in?”  
The Doctor responded first: “I’m sleeping on the bottom bunk of the yellow bed.”  
Adric: “I will be on the top bunk of the Doctor’s bed. The one with the stars.”  
Tegan: “And of course, I’m getting the top bed of the purple bunk.”  
Nyssa: “Then I will be on the bottom of the same bunk Tegan chose.”  
Alina then smirked and said: “You four made the best choices. Considering your dress senses and what your personalities seem like to me.” Demetra nodded in agreeance to what Alina said.

Other items in the room included: a really big closet that occupied one wall of the suite, a mirror big enough to show four or five people at the same time, a desk with a computer on it, a mini-fridge, a bare-bones personal kitchen, some shelves, and some puffy chairs and pillows in many bright colors. There was a door that led to a private bathroom. The room was decorated with plants of many types (there was a celery plant right next to the yellow bunk bed) as well as pictures of the hotel’s (and the Moneycash family’s) history. 

Alina then said: “And here’s the final touch!” She smirked, and then put the potted TARDIS coral on the desk. Then Alina and Demetra exited the room.

The Doctor then said: “Now we have a suite all for us!” Tegan puffed a bit of air from her mouth and then said “Well, if we can’t get back… but we can still be stars!” Adric: “Yeah! Pop music seems good enough that it could give everyone of us free food at all times!” Tegan: “Oh rabbits. Adric do you have to always think about maths and food?” Nyssa: “Yeah now we’re together for an indeterminate time so you two make peace! We’re a band, a group under one name and all that! They did’nt have bands on Traken. We usually listened to the power of the Source, or to animals talking to each other.” Adric: “Welp. It was pretty much the same on Alzarius. Well only we did’nt have the Source, and Alzarius was a bit noisier than Traken.” Doctor: “And on Gallifrey, music was often created by advanced machines on its own. So I guess…” Tegan: “You guess what? That I’m the only one there that…” Doctor: “Yup. You understand pop music moreso than me, Adric, and Nyssa, so you could try to…” Tegan: “You mean I’m going to write our songs! I’d so like that! And it’d make the band 20% cooler than how it was some hours ago at the performance park.” Adric: “I think Tegan is right!” Doctor: “Okay Tegan. Here’s your computer. It seems to be a bit more modern than those from your specific time, but we could easily help you if there’s something you don’t get.”

And so, Tegan went on the desk and booted up the computer. “There. It seems to be easy so far.” She said. The computer loaded up, on the dextop now there was a beige monitor with the blue words “mONEY fISH” on it. “It’s almost exactly the design that was on my battery!” – Adric commented.  
And then, under the direction of her three new bandmates, Tegan opened Microsoft Word and wrote 10 new songs for Naked Celery, and then printed them all using the hotel’s paper-printer. (Demetra and Alina also helped with scaffolding the pages together.)   
And then the foursome and Alina went back into Room MF5, where Alina put on a shelf the papers with the songs in it, and then took a photo of the foursome, and gave it to them, who autographed it. And then, that photo of the four of them together on their first day, was hanged on the wall of the room. Nyssa then went: “Thank you Alina. Any first day is a day to cherish.” The Doctor looked at his bandmates and said: “Well, I think we’ve got a groupie.” Alina rolled her eyes, shrugged her shoulders and said: “Think of me as an unsung heroine. A really nice acquaintance. Your first ever fan. The fifth Naked Celery. Or perhaps you may just think of me as Alina Sarah Flora.” – “We will” the foursome said and nodded in agreement, barely noticing that when Alina made her speech, a pale-skinned, small, feminine humanoid with multicolored fairy wings and brown hair, flew by the window to Room MF5.

**Author's Note:**

> * The girl at the end of this chapter is Kenna Marka of house Blyledge and fae belongs to FFnet user Dalek-Riddle.  
> * I never actually saw a full Classic Who serial, and am basing the character's personalities mostly on what I read about them on stuff like TVtropes, Tumblr, the TARDIS wiki, and Chrissie's transcripts, plus episode snippets I saw out of context, and personal headcanons. So they might act a bit OOC.  
> * All gallifreyans are nonbinary\agender. Doctors 5 to 7 are aroace and so I write them as such.


End file.
